Author: Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe
Publisher: Kregel Publications March 8, 2013
Theme: Male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood.
Rating: 5 Stars
Source: Free copy for purpose of review from Kregel Publications and Litfuse Publicity Group.
This video is 14:44 minutes long but very worth watching. It is from a recent radio interview with Cecil Murphey.
Statistics reveal 1 in 4 women have been sexually molested, 1 in 6 men have "admitted" to being sexually molested; however, Cecil Murphey believes the statistics for childhood sexual abuse in men to be higher at 1 in 3. Shame and guilt cause men to not talk about their abuse. Culture believes males to be above abuse, because males are strong and tough. Many men hide behind a mask of stating sexual abuse never happened to them. Often when a man is in his 40s or 50s flashbacks, images, or dreams happen that the man cannot ignore. Where can a man turn to when He knows he was sexually abused? Where can he find help? How can a family member help their loved one who was sexually abused?
Not Quite Healed is a beginning point and a healing point for the abused. Both authors expressed they are "not quite healed." The work to healing is a "process and not an event."
Not Quite Healed is forty chapters on various topics, for example:
"Shouldn't I be healed by now."
"Why was I victimized?"
"I struggle with same-sex attraction."
"I don't feel like a real man."
"How do I combat the lies?"
"Why is forgiving so difficult?"
In this review I'll express why I believe this book is of upper most importance and why I feel the authors wrote a much needed book.
- Male childhood sexual abuse is a hushed topic. It's only been over the past 25-30 years that women began to talk about their sexual abuse. Men have backed away from the topic. To admit that abuse took place is frightening. Culture standards define men as the providers and fixers. To admit abuse goes against what a man perceives of self. After a man admits to his family he was sexually abused, he wonders what his family will think? Both authors expressed that "admitting and telling the truth" about what happened is the first step in recovery.
- Parents of boys must understand the devious, compulsive, intentions of a pedophile. Pedophiles look for vulnerable needy boys, they work to earn the child's trust, they "groom" the child. As uncomfortable as this book might be to read, a parents first line of defense is knowledge and preparedness.
- An adult that was sexually abused as a child, carries the memories all their lives. Having the memory does not mean healing cannot happen. It does mean that the abused must have tools to help in their "warfare" against past abuse. I believe the transparency of Roe and Murphey will be a beginning point and a blessing for anyone reading this book.
"Battling for victory strengthens us and enables us to hold up our experiences for others who go through the same combat." page 8.
"A victim of murder feels no more pain; A victim of childhood sexual abuse feels pain for the rest of his life." page 10.
"We need to fight, not just for ourselves, but also for our families and all the others around us who've been touched by the abuse we endured." page 11.
"Denial through silence is one of the most damaging forms of abuse. Our silence not only denies what happened, but it rejects the truth of what happened to us." page 109.
Learn more about Cecil Murphey and his books at www.cecilmurphey.com. Readers can also follow Murphey on Twitter (@CecMurphey).
In addition to the encouragement shared in the book, Murphey has also set up a website where readers can share their own stories of survival and healing, www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com.
Gary Roe has been in full-time ministry for more than thirty years, serving as a college minister, a missionary in Japan, and a pastor in Texas and Washington. He currently works as a chaplain and interim pastor in central Texas. He writes a weekly newspaper column and is coauthor (also with Cecil Murphey) of Saying Goodbye: Facing the Loss of a Loved One. He has three adopted daughters from Colombia who are also abuse survivors.
Gary's website: http://www.garyroe.com/
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