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"Question Of The Week #18"

"Question Of The Week #18,"
"Spiritual insights, realizations. These little insights 'aha' moments can pop up anywhere and everywhere as you are living life. And they can often be found in unexpected places: life, music, books, movies, tv shows, family, friends. What have you learned (realized) lately?"
The word realize means to be fully aware of, to conceive as real, understand clearly, present as real. Similar words are apprehend, be cognizant of, become conscious of, catch on, comprehend, conceive, discern, envisage, envision, grasp, understand, and vision.
My sister JoAnn calls these "aha" moments an epiphany. Epiphany is usually a sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature of the meaning of something. An intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking. An illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure. Definitions from Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
I have had many epiphany moments in my life, in actuality these are teaching moments designed for me from God.
I am always amazed that God creates an invaluable moment that I am to learn something, and it is done at the precise timing that He ordains. These teaching moments are never early and never tardy.
The first step is in realizing that there is a lesson to be learned, the second is in agreeing with God that this is something that we needed to learn, the 3rd step is in applying this new teaching to our life. I have found that the first step is always the hardest.
The first step for me "is" the epiphany moment. During these aha moments, it is as if a spotlight shines in to the dark cob webbed corners of my brain. In those dark corners are hidden areas of my thought life, or attitudes, or unused talents, or fears, or misconceptions, or prejudices.
My most recent aha moment was yesterday. I take care of my elderly 86 year old dad full time. I care for him in his home and I live in his home as well. My dad has several health risk factors: diabetes, diabetes neuropathy, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, congestive heart failure, vascular disease, both of his rotator cuffs are torn, spinal stenosis, arthritis, and history of bowel obstructions. My dad's blood pressure has been running high, and his ankles and feet have been more swollen. I made telephone calls yesterday to ask the doctors about increasing his blood pressure medicine and Lasix (medication to get rid of built of fluid retention.) Yesterday and even in to today, has been waiting for the telephone to ring for new instructions from the doctor.
In my job as caregiver I must make instant life decisions. A doctor or nurse is not always available at that exact moment for my questions. The job falls on me to make most of dad's health care decisions. Dad is a DNR, which means he is a Do Not Resuscitate, if dad's heart stops, or he stops breathing, we will let him die. The DNR is my dad's wishes, and I am in agreement with him.
I live in fear of finding him dead. I live in fear of all of the what ifs that could happen. What if I make a mistake, what if I fail. I could panic very easily, I could cry, I could stay in the bed with my head covered, or I could give up and put dad in the nursing home.
I love Jesus and have surrendered my will for His, because of this I choose to surrender every day to Him. Every morning when I wake up I give Jesus the day, whatever happens, Jesus is still on His throne, and He is the true orchestrator of mine and daddy's life.